Big moon peeking through the clouds this morning. Another day. New Years’ Eve without any
change in our lifestyle. The tech showed up and fixed the heater and it was
lovely to wake up to a warm house. Maybe he comfort will motivate activity.
Roselle wants to sing The Turning with me. She felt the hope that is in the
words. My voice is so thin and froggy from not using it. And my lungs don’t
help much either. Saying good-bye to 2020 won’t change anything.
No tech. No call. No reliable product. Maybe I need a new
gas company. My old bones need to be warm. After our successful raid on the
grocery store, I settled down to another long day inside. I was not motivated
to pursue anything other than passive involvement with TV. I don’t know where
my self-starter is. I wander by the journal that was fun for a few days and the
song book too. They are not pulling me to action. Hope for a good day.
The boxes of old books are gone thanks to friends Art and
Ellen. They are good at distributing other peoples unused items. They took Hollie’s
boxes of duplicate and unused household things. My osteoporosis arthritis made walking too
much yesterday and the cold doesn’t help either. We are going to the store
early for necessary food and then it’s back to isolation. Had long phone conversation
with Rosalie who is full off seasonal grief. We help each other. Later the thermostat
tech is coming again.
It was a wasted day and I don’t want to repeat it. Rosalie and
I texted early about a brainstorming session by phone later this morning to
share and inspire ourselves out of the dark time trench. She knits, draws,
spins, etc and I am bereft of those skills. I’ll have to drum up my version of saving
my own wellness. I have dog people who help because they need water and food.
Just keeping the basics is a chore and not the usual smiling joy.
Yesterday I binge watched Bridgerton on netliix. It was a
comfortable way to spend a tired day. I had a poor night and a cold morning so
I may go back to bed and look for something else to binge on. The leftover
dinner made a delicious breakfast. I’ll have more ham and add it to soup. It is
definitely a soup day. When my heater finally gets up to 70, I may get dressed
and look around for something productive to do. Or not.
The black cloud has lifted slightly enough so I realize that
the depression is taking away the ability to connect with the family. Yesterday
I was watching the fun and the laughing but not really part of it. The trivial
pursuit game was full of banter and
hilarious moments. The food was delicious. Simple and plentiful. Today I
will push myself into some semblance of “normal”. I will sing, get steps, text,
write a prompt, laugh. The best part was the family hug. Made me pink.
Merry Friday. No Ho Hos around here. Lots of wind moving
things and banging. Art and Ellen came to visit, brought goodies to Chuck, and
fruit for me. I told Jeanine that I missed singing aata church and she brought me
a hymnal and Spiritus book. I sang the Canticle of the turning that is a
hopeful message and fun to sing. I remember that Angeles Arrien said everyone should
sing 15 minute a day. I told Kelle that I would sing it for her.
We were shopping at 6;30. Love the empty store and the
freedom to rove and grab. Dinner tomorrow is ham, yams, squash etc. typical festivities.
My follow up doctor appointment will be by phone. I was told to stay home as
Curry is full of covid. Hollie still made a mad dash to Freddie’s for last
minute items. It’s a crazy world and the crazy 45 is adding to the chaos. I’m
happy in my cozy nest with family. Soon change the calendar and hope.
Visiting with Michele was wonderful and exhausting. She had
stories and I needed to hear them. Our conversations were all over the place
from relatives, to rentals, to cars. She took only three of the old books. When
she left I sort of collapsed and felt drained. I never imagined that talking would
be so difficult. Darn covid. It is uncovering the vulnerability of our mental
well-being. I want to walk today. It will start raining and it will last thee
rest of the year.
I grabbed myself and said Get Moving and walked down town.
It was an effort that made the day better. It’s cold and clear and later, I will do it again. I want
to feel well. But first, housework as Michele is coming this afternoon. Her quarantine
is over. I want her to poke through the books to see if any are interesting. I’m
guessing not but maybe one or two. Ellen has offered to take the rest of them
to the humane society thrift shop.
My Yurok friend Tenayah brought freshly cooked crab. I don’t
like crab but the family does and they enjoyed it. I’m still low energy and the
simplest tasks seem huge. News items about the mental health issues around
isolation and I’m feeling part of that plus the usual seasonal depression. Shortest
day of the year and nowhere to go but to the light. No plans of course. Just do
what I can through another day, Sometimes 85 words are too many. Wish I felt
better.
Darkest days and mood to match. I’m feeling dull and
unmotivated. I only push myself to jog and stretch on the rebounder. It has
saved me from total ennui and I’m grateful for it. Today I will add to the art
journal although I don’t like the prompt. So maybe I’ll get another one that I
do like. Is it legal to change when the prompt is supposed to be guidance? I
ask, What do I need to work on today? And then reject it..
Long chatty call from
Cillay. We laughed at good memories and shared our stories aabout friends wo
are gone already. Aside from taking Jake for a manicure, I did not get outside.
My back pain flared up and I couldn’t walk. Today feels like another cozy day
with the dogs, TV and journal. I’ve been keeping up with the house so it is comfortable
and easy to look at. Doesn’t take much clutter to make it look messy. Not much
going on in my mind.
I didn’t get out but it’s a new day and hope springs
eternal. I want to get outside to help
the caged pacing. The rebounder helps but it is not the same as feet on the
pavement. Had a long call with Kelle and asked when she is going to move into her new home.
She keeps putting it off and I’m saying she’s afraid to leave her parents’
house. She’s 57, time to live alone. Karen is home after 45 days in dry Arizona.
Yesterday was emotionally bumpy. Is it covid fatigue or
seasonal depression? I did feel more stable
by evening and enjoyed Megan’s weekly visit. We hear her life events and share.
She has my copy of Illusions and doesn’t want to give it back. It reminds me of
a happy, bold and experiential time in
my life. Another copy would not be the same. I will get out for a short walk
today. Been cooped up too long. Cold, wet, gray and I have warm clothes.
Inside day and I’m looking forward to feeling warm and cozy.
Yesterday’s page as about loss and I used the nine months of covid as a theme. It
has shown so much about what I feel is
necessary for a good life. Counting my blessings has not been enough. I have
all my needs met except the social ones. I am a people person. I was so happy
to connect with Karen as she has been
gone for 45 days. Just texting but still, connection.
Back from our quick tour of Safeway for fruit and yogurt. It
was unpopulated as usual and that is the point of getting there at 7 AM. Just
another rainy day in paradise. My art page yesterday made me dig deep for meaning.
I came up with the need to express my opinions even when I know there will be
conflict. I have lots of experience with later wishing I had said something at
a crucial time. I can use my words carefully with confidence.
Yesterday was cozy, comfortable, and filled with domestic
contentment. Pounding rain didn’t make a down attitude at all. Two brief walks
outside during the drier times and all the rest in our nest. The change, astrological
or whatever, has been such an enormous relief for the spirit. I made over 10K steps
during commercials. May not be sustained walking but it counts. First time
since October 21st. Today has
started with laundry. It will have house straightening, Just to keep the
comfort going.
Dark and raining hard. I’m ready for an inside day. We have
fresh produce from the farm stand, house is warm, lots of gratitude floating around.
It’s nine months since my first isolating day and the routine is in place. I
made another colorful page in my paper journal following the example of Rosalie
and Eileen who are both concentrating on their own progress. I used a Tarot
card as a prompt and it was appropriate.
I used watercolors and sharpie pens for
my creation.
Weary after a long night with wakeful hours. For some reason my brain decided to trace my
history with St. Paul’s Episcopal Church from meeting Wendell to my 85th
birthday just two weeks before shut-down. I went through every priest changes, the
trouble with Marilla, being Senior Warden twice etc. It is a long story and I
miss having access to my place there. I thought about the Sunday after the
incident with the truck when they prayed thanksgiving for me and sang Amazing Grace.
Yesterday was the best one in weeks! I’m sure part of it was
Rosalie’s support and her idea for a an agenda of anything so I could cross it
off and feel a sense of accomplishment. My hip pain allowed for a walk too,
first one in about three weeks. I’ll repeat the process today. It’s cold but I’ll
sit on the sunporch and sort the last of the books from the house and then
figure out how to get rid of the unusable ones.
We had family happy hour. Megan shares her work stories,
chicken stories, Ben stories. We go off on interesting tangents and get to know
details from each others lives. Rosalie suggested making a list of to-dos to
fill the lack of agenda, and I did. Today I will sort the rest of the books,
clear out my “business cubby” and find a way to bring order so I don’t overlook
another bill. Then, cheese store so I can make a spam Reuben with the sauerkraut.
Yesterday was the pits. I don’t want another one like it. My sanity was almost saved by Marj who brought me gingerbread and lemon curd. Our visit was welcome. Then the long live chat with fitbit that revealed they changed their way off making phones compatible and mine is not. What a rip off! Now what? I kept waiting for the next loss. Rosalie showed up and what a relief to have her share my misery. She brought sauerkraut and took home old books. Best friend.
Fitbit has died or at least it doesn’t sync so it’s no use. Hollie
said she ordered a new one for me. It’s the Inspire tracker and is simpler than
this on. I enjoy the data and like to beat my steps. I like the sleep data too.
Today Rosalie will come for a visit and bring sauerkraut from Cosco. Lots of texting
already this morning. People need contact and I’m ready to hold up my end. My back
is better with stretches and exercise.
I enjoyed a brief visit from Art and Ellen yesterday. We
talked about Fitbits and dogs. Art gave us a recipe for helping JuJu’s itching
and she will get a bath and an apple cider vinegar rinse this morning. We
talked about her separation anxiety and Ellen suggested rescue remedy. I was
happy to have conversation . Lots of texting with Eileen swapping pet photos.
Everyone is contact deprived and we can help each other. Now it’s Monday and we
are already underway to a good one.
Another day in paradise. Another exercise in gratitude
instead of wishing for the missing parts of “normal” life. I feel bone weary
and sleep doesn’t seem to help. I know I’m not alone and that doesn’t seem to
help either. I will look for diversion besides giving in to gravity and sitting
in front of the TV. I have a word puzzle book, coloring pages, books to read, music,
journal and walking. I have texting, e-mail, messenger, and facebook for
connections. I just need motivation.
Clear cold morning and a new day to play with. Yesterday was
full of conversations on Facebook and texting. Connected with lots of people
and that helps keep the doldrums at bay. Hollie brought boxes of books to sort.
They are old from way back in the 70’s and 80’s. Seeker books when I thought
answers were out there. I don’t think anyone will be interested in adopting any
of them and I will offer the classic poetry to Rosalie when she visits next
week.
Another boring post! Gee, I wish I had a brilliant thought
or great experience to write about. When I read this in years to come I will
wonder how I spent all these covid days. Moonlight in the skylight, yellow
roses about to open, good spam sandwich for breakfast. JuJu likes her new kong,
watched TV. Today I will work at achieving more than 5K steps on the rebounder.
Maybe a walk outside if my back allows it. Maybe prune the pear trees or not.
At Safeway at 7 and the tractor store at 8. Well stocked up
for me and the dogs. It is fun to be the early shoppers. Feels safe. The local
numbers are up and extra precaution is necessary. No agenda except a new crossword
puzzle book and a long day to pursue quiet house time. Might get out for a walk around the block or
use the rebounder for steps. I have lots of good nutritious food and did not
stock up on fun snacks..
Cold in my house. Sometimes the thermostat doesn’t function and I wake up in a 56 degree morning. Restless night with anxiety and fear as if everything was moving fast and I didn’t know what was happening. I just calmed myself and took slow breaths. I walked over with my taxes and used the stairs. My hip pain allowed it and I’m glad. I had 6K steps for the first time in a month. Today I’ll do a bit of work and get outside again.
Big deal of the day: turn the page on the calendar. December
starts and it doesn’t make any difference to the lifestyle of covid isolation. Beautiful
cold breezy morning and I’m hoping my back pain will allow for more moving than
I have had lately. If not, then a call to the doctor asking for an X-ray. I
want to walk and bend and dance. Hollie has boxed up my books and I need to
sort and purge. Many haven’ t been touched in decades.
