Big moon peeking through the clouds this morning. Another day. New Years’ Eve without any
change in our lifestyle. The tech showed up and fixed the heater and it was
lovely to wake up to a warm house. Maybe he comfort will motivate activity.
Roselle wants to sing The Turning with me. She felt the hope that is in the
words. My voice is so thin and froggy from not using it. And my lungs don’t
help much either. Saying good-bye to 2020 won’t change anything.
No tech. No call. No reliable product. Maybe I need a new
gas company. My old bones need to be warm. After our successful raid on the
grocery store, I settled down to another long day inside. I was not motivated
to pursue anything other than passive involvement with TV. I don’t know where
my self-starter is. I wander by the journal that was fun for a few days and the
song book too. They are not pulling me to action. Hope for a good day.
The boxes of old books are gone thanks to friends Art and
Ellen. They are good at distributing other peoples unused items. They took Hollie’s
boxes of duplicate and unused household things. My osteoporosis arthritis made walking too
much yesterday and the cold doesn’t help either. We are going to the store
early for necessary food and then it’s back to isolation. Had long phone conversation
with Rosalie who is full off seasonal grief. We help each other. Later the thermostat
tech is coming again.
It was a wasted day and I don’t want to repeat it. Rosalie and
I texted early about a brainstorming session by phone later this morning to
share and inspire ourselves out of the dark time trench. She knits, draws,
spins, etc and I am bereft of those skills. I’ll have to drum up my version of saving
my own wellness. I have dog people who help because they need water and food.
Just keeping the basics is a chore and not the usual smiling joy.
Yesterday I binge watched Bridgerton on netliix. It was a
comfortable way to spend a tired day. I had a poor night and a cold morning so
I may go back to bed and look for something else to binge on. The leftover
dinner made a delicious breakfast. I’ll have more ham and add it to soup. It is
definitely a soup day. When my heater finally gets up to 70, I may get dressed
and look around for something productive to do. Or not.
The black cloud has lifted slightly enough so I realize that
the depression is taking away the ability to connect with the family. Yesterday
I was watching the fun and the laughing but not really part of it. The trivial
pursuit game was full of banter and
hilarious moments. The food was delicious. Simple and plentiful. Today I
will push myself into some semblance of “normal”. I will sing, get steps, text,
write a prompt, laugh. The best part was the family hug. Made me pink.
Merry Friday. No Ho Hos around here. Lots of wind moving
things and banging. Art and Ellen came to visit, brought goodies to Chuck, and
fruit for me. I told Jeanine that I missed singing aata church and she brought me
a hymnal and Spiritus book. I sang the Canticle of the turning that is a
hopeful message and fun to sing. I remember that Angeles Arrien said everyone should
sing 15 minute a day. I told Kelle that I would sing it for her.
